You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
