How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
