you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i came on her dog
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
