Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
