When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
