Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
