Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pants are for mortals
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
