my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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