she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
