Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
