Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
