I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
