Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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