Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
