Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As shirtless as possible
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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