I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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