is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want to make out with him forever
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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