Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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