Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
