His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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