Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
