just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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