I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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