Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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