My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
