I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
