just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
