anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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