I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
