I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
