I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
