Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
