i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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