My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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