Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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