im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
After last night, I could never be a politician.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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