Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
