Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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