this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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