We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
