So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
