Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
