I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
