Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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