Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
