It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
