Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
