I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
