M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
