Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
this hospital has no fireball
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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