His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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