I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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