I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am mentally ready for anal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
