i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
