You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
