were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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