I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
