We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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