Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
